I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
