One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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