it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
