I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
