She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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