smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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