Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
