listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
