i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
