So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
