Apparently you make a good broom.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
