peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize