are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
