I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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