I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
