if you like me you must not know who I am
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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