Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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