I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize