the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
