dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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