I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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