Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
