I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
