Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
