no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
