I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
