Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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