I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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