some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
