are you still at the devil's house?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
