i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
