you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
