Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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