you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
