he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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