you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
