He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
