you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
