I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
