My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
