Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
