stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
