wrigley field is MILF paradise
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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