Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
