just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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