It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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