Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Randomize
