All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
do herpes really smell.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
