help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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