I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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