Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
did i just pee glitter
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
