Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
