Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
