dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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