there's paper in my vomit.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
YAS. BRING CRAB.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
