Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
