I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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