he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
