I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
