You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A bitchslap is in order.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
