i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
