She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize