I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
