I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
