my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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