my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize