I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
