Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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