you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
