Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize