i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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