you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
