It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
